Too Much Information

Somewhere in Alaska lives a gentleman who has no idea who I am and that I know way too much information about him. I met his friend at the grocery store this evening; we were in adjacent check-out lines and both finished making our purchases at about the same time. The friend mistook my cart for his and started to wheel it away. I stopped him by saying, "Oh, I don't think you want my husband's colonoscopy prep." (The "prep" was in a plastic bag at the front of the cart.) He took his hands off my cart, hesitated for a moment and then said, "I have a friend in Alaska who had one of those and he feels so much better now, and he doesn't mind the bag at all." At this point, I realized that the man thought I meant a colostomy (colon removal) instead of a colonoscopy (colon examination). He proceeded, "After he got the bag, he went to a doctor to have a prostate exam, but when the doctor saw that my friend had a "bag," the surprised doctor asked, 'What is that?' My friend told him about his procedure, and the doctor said, 'We're done here,' and left the room without doing the prostate exam."

I wonder if someone some place in the world knows too much information about me.

Wheel of Misfortune

The Wheelmobile is in town. Open auditions were held Saturday in Sequim and yesterday and today at Emerald Queen Casino in Tacoma. How do I know this? My friend Beth's lifelong dream is to be a contestant on "Wheel of Fortune." She took her husband and family friend with her to Sequim to audition Saturday. (She needed help watching her 10-month-old son, Ethan.) Sadly for Beth, the husband and friend were called up to audition, but Beth struck out. That afternoon Beth called and asked if I would accompany her and baby Ethan to Tacoma for a second audition attempt. The plan was to be at all 3 audition times and keep the baby with us in the auditorium.

Yesterday we set off for Tacoma and Ethan slept most of the way there. We strapped Ethan in the stroller and attempted to gain entrance into the casino. We were told by several security personnel and the valet that there was no way anyone under 21 could enter the casino. (Never mind that the casino in Sequim let chidren into Saturday's auditions.) We pleaded and begged and I shared Beth's story with the powers that be to no avail. When we realized that Ethan would not be allowed admittance, I insisted that Beth try out and I would take Ethan for a ride around Tacoma to entertain him. Beth suggested that I take him to a place where he could crawl around. I decided to take him to Tacoma Mall--a place I'd never before visited.

Ethan and I set off to find the mall, but the little guy was upset that his mother wasn't accompanying us. He cried non-stop until we reached the mall parking lot and then fell asleep. Rather than wake him and take him out of the car, I drove around for 40 minutes--30 of those minutes were spent circling the Chuck E. Cheese's parking lot. Eventually Ethan awakened and I took him into Chuck E.'s to have some fun. What was I thinking? He again noticed that his mother wasn't present and proceeded to voice his displeasure. I got "looks" from many of the customers--looks like "you're too old to have a baby;" "that baby wouldn't cry like that if you were his real mother," etc. I took Beth's advice and put Ethan down to crawl, but he wouldn't have any of it. Finally, we left the store and only used 1 of our "tokens."

We drove back to the casino and arrived just in time to hear Beth's great news that she was given a chance to audition. Her name was the second to the last to be called. She was on cloud nine! Next it was my turn to enter the competition. I didn't have the same luck as Beth, but that was fine by me. We both left happy. Beth was happy she got to audition, and I was happy that Beth was given the chance to audition. I was happy just to help make that possible for Beth, and happy that I got to see the inner workings of a Wheel of Fortune audition. I would like to be a game show contestant some day.

Mark's Comments of the Day

Today Mark favored us with several interesting/funny/"thoughtful" comments. Here are the 3 that I remember:

"Mom, you know how we have that rule that I have to do my chores, reading and workbooks before I can watch TV or play computer or video games? Well, if we didn't have that rule, you wouldn't have to get angry with me for breaking it."

"Mom, I sure would appreciate it if you would help us with the chores around the house."

"Mother, would you please log me onto the computer as a token of your appreciation for all the hard work I did today?" (For the record, his "hard" work consisted of lying on his bed for 2 hours reading Eragon, and vacuuming the entire house.)

Bad News, Good News

BAD NEWS: Rachelle and I had to purchase new cellphones yesterday because our old ones got ruined.
GOOD NEWS: We didn't drown when we (along with our cellphones) fell into Lake Washington.

BAD NEWS: Our neighbors' car windows were smashed out by someone hurling a large rock from a passing car.
GOOD NEWS: At least the police officer I spoke with on our street at 3:00 am didn't see that I wasn't wearing a bra.

BAD NEWS: Sara's feet are covered with several blisters.
GOOD NEWS: She looked very lovely in the pioneer dress she made for the Stake Youth Conference Pioneer Trek.

BAD NEWS: It is 94 degrees in our kitchen.
GOOD NEWS: I'm sitting in the basement where it's 10 degrees cooler.

BAD NEWS: We still haven't discovered the cause of Rachelle's bizarre health symptoms.
GOOD NEWS: She's lost 11 pounds since she's changed her diet to eat more healthfully.

My New Adult!

As of today, we have a new adult in our family and her name is Rachelle. She "turned" the ripe old age of 21 this morning at 7:18. She was due July 11 but couldn't wait until then to be born. She is a delightful daughter (most of the time) and her dad and I love her so very, very much. Listed here, in no particular order, are 21 fun facts about and reasons why I adore my Rachelle.


1. She has super soft skin and very large, beautiful eyes.
2. I rocked her a lot when she was a baby because, as a colicky infant, she wanted and needed to be cuddled.
3. When she was a young child, she said many funny things to others that embarrassed her parents.
4. Overnight visitors to our home would often find Rachelle cuddled up next to them in bed in the morning.
5. Her father and I love her curly hair, but Rachelle doesn't love it.
6. She has baked several made-from-scratch birthday cakes for friends over the years.
7. Rachelle is a very loyal, loving and giving friend.
8. She is an expert at remembering and quoting movie lines.
9. Green peas is her least favorite vegetable.
10. She is a dog-lover extraordinaire and has met Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer.
11. She is working hard to save money so she can attend a dog-training school in Texas next year.
12. She HATES having her blood drawn and often faints during the procedure.
13. Baby-sitting is not her favorite activity.
14. Her soccer team won the Washington State championship 2 years in a row.
15. She loves to travel basically anywhere.
16. Although she is a lover of sweets, she has adopted a more health-conscious diet and is now avoiding sweet treats.
17. She LOVES being the recipient of back rubs and hugs.
18. Her nickname is the name of one of the hens in the movie Chicken Run.
19. She is very artistically creative.
20. One of her least favorite activities is camping.
21. To Kill a Mockingbird is her favorite book, and she loves classical movies.


Happy birthday, Chelle Belle! You are a delight to your mother and father.

Fifty-"One"derful!

Today is Sir Lancelot's (aka Lance) 51st birthday. It's quite difficult to believe he's "that old" because there are very few gray hairs on his handsome head. The love of my life, he is undoubtedly the only man that could ever tolerate me. He is my rock, and when I think that I almost didn't marry him, I shudder in horror!

In keeping with my recent birthday blog posting tradition, I will now list 51 fun facts about and reasons why I love Lance!

1. He will NEVER wear a dress--not even for a costume.
2. A lover of babies, it's almost impossible for him to hold a baby and not kiss it.
3. He will attempt nearly any home-repair project.
4. Mexican food is his food of choice.
5. He went on a gluten-free diet just to support me.
6. His favorite rock band is Credence Clearwater Revival.
7. He loves to dance and looks especially "cute" doing the Cha-Cha.
8. He certified as a Boy Scout lifeguard in the frigid waters of Hood Canal.
9. He earned his Wood Badge beads in Scouting.
10. Although he can't read music, he enjoys singing.
11. He always took the night shift with our babies and allowed me to sleep.
12. He is very, very tender-hearted.
13. Giving him head rubs is the way to his heart.
14. Tacos is his favorite thing to cook and, according to his children, the only item in his cooking repertoire.
15. He loves to read--even boring technical stuff.
16. He's spent much time studying the scriptures.
17. He speaks Tongan and learned the language while serving a mission in Tonga.
18. Fruit bat is his least favorite food. (Jellyfish comes in a close second.)
19. He has a very unusual way of writing the date.
20. The children in his Primary class adore him and think he's "silly."
21. He is very humble and teachable.
22. He detests horseradish and any food that contains even a hint of it.
23. He could live on avacados.
24. His children used to call him "Daddy Lance Woofie."
25. He is a great artist and most of his children have inherited his "artistic" genes.
26. He is well respected among his co-workers and associates.
27. One of his favorite movies is Johnny English.
28. He is a member of the infamous "Kidney Stones Club."
29. Soccer and swimming are his 2 favorite sports.
30. He has had several knee surgeries.
31. He has been snow-skiing only once.
32. Hiking with the Boy Scouts is a favorite activity.
33. Charlemagne is one of his ancestors.
34. He loves to take his kids on "walks and talks."
35. He'd love to be a contestant on the TV show "Treasure Hunters."
36. He is very sensitive to my needs and is always very comforting.
37. He can and does help the kids with their "foreign" math homework.
38. He has a great sense of humor and appreciates that trait in others as well.
39. Vanilla is his favorite ice cream flavor.
40. He has co-authored a book (which is sold in fine bookstores everywhere and can be found on Amazon.com).
41. Song lyrics aren't easily understood by Lance.
42. Jaclyn Smith (an original "Charlie's Angel") used to be his favorite actress.
43. He takes lots of vitamins and supplements to keep himself healthy.
44. He has great self-discipline.
45. He is an honest man through and through.
46. He honors his commitments and covenants.
47. He honors the priesthood.
48. He brings a smile to my face every time I see him.
49. He rarely, if ever, has a "down" day.
50. To save money, he "lets" me cut his hair.
51. He is a living angel!

Happy birthday, my wonderful husband!!! I love you!!!

What Will You Leave Me?

Tonight, as we sat together reading, Mark asked me, "What will you leave me in your last will and testament? Have you thought about what I will get after you're gone?"

It didn't take long for me to formulate my response of "All of our bread, peanut butter and honey." I don't think Mark liked my answer.